Every friend group's gotta have the murderer, the one who gets murdered, the one who you think is the murderer until they also get murdered, the one who covers up evidence to protect a loved one, the one who works with the detecti

Breaking the cycle of generational trauma by never really learning much about the Civil War

Mad scientist: This button here would open the clamps holding you down. Too bad you've no way to reach it. Secret agent Pinocchio, smirking: You're right. I'm trapped.

"Da boss says he wants Tony knocked up." "Ya sure he didn't say knocked off?" "Nah, I 'tink I heard him right"

If you ask a genie "Are you going to interpret my wish in a way that fits my literal words but not my intent?" he has to tell the truth. It's the law.

Gathering everybody into the lounge even though I don't have enough evidence to reveal the killer. I just need to be around people right now.

I have a new story up at Many Worlds! It's called The Languages of the Tower of Babel, and it's about the ways we communicate and the beauty of manyness manyworlds.place/issue-2/lill...

One thing we don't do enough in our skewed modern society is stories about a guy where the entire story is that he's extremely large. Stories whose beginning middle and end is just "Did you hear about the large guy? Gosh, he sure was large. And a guy."

Villain: What? But when did I say something embarrassing? I spelled the word "icup" correctly! Hero: Just like I knew you would! I counted on you being so preoccupied with the spelling... you'd forgot how it sounds! *Hero's theme plays* Villain: Noooooooooo!

Me telling the mighty to look on my works and despair: Haha, fuck yeah, yes Me when nothing else remains and the lone and level sands stretch far away: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck?