this is the type of story you make up to explain why you're 45 minutes late to work except i could never come up with something this funny irl

I always lose my voice at fog machine fog.

I could capture 80% of bluesky with this trap

i’m glad that the The Law has come after eric adams but listen if adams is getting indicted then jared kushner needs to be buried under a jail

"Helene is a very large hurricane.""Helene is a very large hurricane."

if they unseat Ted Cruz I will play a free solo show in Austin and the set list will include Golden Boy, Riches & Wonders, Comandante and whatever other oldschool bangers ppl want

This shirt got two compliments at Costco in an R+32 county today.

She’d re-wire the house so the switches worked on different targets.

KISSIN IN THE NAME OF

Thank you, I will do what you tell me Thank you, I will do what you tell me Thank you, I will do what you tell me