Striking up a friendly chat with the toll booth worker. A cacophony of car horns sounding off behind me

My kids are becoming stronger… I fear they might one day overthrow me. Therapist: You should invest in weapons purchases, perhaps a bodyguard

The March of 100,000 Ants

There should be a ‘Popular with enemies’ tab on here

*eating a poorly made dirt sandwich* Hrmm… this needs way more dirt

sorry i'm late boss i got stuck behind a truck driven by a guy with male loneliness

I’m a big fan of blurry photos

I'm taking off my overcoat and rolling up the sleeves of my blousy shirt as Jonathan and I prepare to box eachother. He demands I call his collection of pine trees a "pinetum", while I insist "arboretum" is a specific enough term. His pregnant wife is begging him to not do this.

A portal opened up in my bedroom and a future version of me walked through. He’s telling me all sorts of stuff about how the world is coming to and end but I’m not listening cause I’m too busy wondering how he’s an inch shorter than me

I’m being chopped into tiny little pieces. Not saying anything though cause I’m scared of confrontation