Me: After you die, you can send me two dollar bills to let me know you’re still around. My dad: Okay, but how will I send them to you? Me: I don’t know, use your ghost powers!
Alfie tried to use his witchy powers to bring all the children to our house but the cold seems to have kept them away ☹️
Okay I redeemed myself by identifying a child as a Gryffindor. (The parent called “you’re the first person who’s gotten that right!” & I said “hi Mrs. Weasley!”)
Oh geez, I just called a kid a shark but I think he was actually a pterosaur. I RUINED HALLOWEEN!
Spending my one wild and precious life trying to wrap my head around the Monty Hall problem
The other night I left my mom alone with my boyfriend for less than five minutes and when I came back she was telling him about sneaking pot brownies into a 3D porn theatre in the 70s
