the girls are fightingggg

Scheduled human combustion

love finally using something i've had in my closet for over a decade because it justifies my habit of never getting rid of things

You, telling me about a great tv show I should watch. Me, nodding along, knowing I mostly just watch some guy play Prop Hunt on youtube

you wouldn't download a casserole

lfg

the pyramid stays ON during sex!!

Lab results came in and not to brag, but I tested positive for occult blood 🧙‍♂️

the gap in my resume?? yeah I was unemployed. I wasn’t doing jack shit. I watched seinfeld and forgot every transferable skill I knew, happiest I’ve ever been

I'm 3 for 3 on making doctor's appointments for sudden mysterious pains that last several days but go away the day before the appointment 😒