In a change to its guidance, CDC will say it’s okay to smoke cloves on the hood of your boyfriend’s Pontiac GT on the edge of a gorge with the parking brake disengaged. “If that’s truly what the cool kids are doing, go fucking nuts I’m tired,” a public health expert was heard to mutter, per sources.

CDC now says it's ok for employers to test new bioweapons on their workers. A CDC official, speaking from a Raccoon City bunker, says an outbreak is "extremely unlikely".

The CDC is also updating its playlist to clarify that both Thin Lizzy and Whitesnake are acceptable soundtracks.

This goth misses the hell out of the taste of a djarum

😅🤣😂😂🤣😅😅🤣😂 GOP wants to "impeach " CDC, too!

CDC needs to tell the FDA to stop harshing our buzz

I am tired too, due to chronic fatigue syndrome caused by long COVID

It was a Pinto, and I asked you not to bring up my high school years.😜

CDC's new COVID policy is "fuhgettaboutit".

Oh get real. If you don’t want to get COVID or you are compromised wear a mask, get vaccinated.

Losing my mind