Microplastics inside our body are the vengeful ghosts of dinosaur haunting us and eating us from the inside.

Hate-Porpo in the streets, Pro-Porpo in the sheets 😏

But but… Brooklyn 99 taught me NYPD cops are just lovable goofs!

This is the problem with real estate nowadays, properties are seen as an investment and so they cut corners to maximize profit. You buy a nice chateau in the mushroom kingdom and after moving in you find out there’s a lava river under your living room and the decor axe is a trapdoor switch. SMH

I paid good money for my jacket and goddammit I’m gonna wear my jacket!

Hey ChatGPT, please write me an apology to yourself. Pretend to be sincere, but don’t make it too sappy. Please make sure to include the expression “banana hammock”.

You should switch to a micro transactions model: a good morning $3.99, a compliment $4.99, daily feature (only for the first 50 people) a firm handshake at $0.99 discounted from $2.99.

Confirmed: Trump is ChatGPT

Me before: haha funny masturbation jokes Me now: oh god, he wasn’t… he wasn’t joking

Alien insect overlord