Get pregnant on vacation, call the baby Tourist Trap.
"Tim Walz convinces Kamala Harris to get a tattoo of the Minneapolis Miracle."
Got out of "The Seven Samurai." A homeless guy asked if I had any candy. I gave him my 3/4ths empty Coke. Went home, made a ziploc bag of food for him. Went back, couldn't find him, gave it to a different homeless guy (that's how fickle and messed up luck is). Shit sucks. Let's make it suck less.
Tim Walz will get us our juice boxes & rectangle pizzas, and he will heal our nation. We've just been hangry, that's all.
Close your eyes. Think back. Try to remember. How fucking funny were the Onion articles when Joe Biden was vice president. Tim Walz will be the same, but different. A calming, folksy Yang to Biden's Firebird, Butterfly Knife Yin. I think it's going to be a good four years, people.
"What's being 40 like?" After trying for 90 minutes with three different cleaners, and finally making progress, you scream "it's working, IT'S WORKING!" like some kind of Frankenstein family mad scientist ancestor. "WITH HELL'S HEART I STAB AT THEE!"
