Everybody was achoo fighting

the heads of my ENEMIES

shouldn’t missionary be on your knees??

i’m sorry i didn’t say an interesting fact about myself i had a jolly rancher stuck to my teeth

dreams are just a streaming service you can’t unsubscribe to

this is a dollar box just like your mom

Your honour, they said "expresso*

Out of respect for my family, I do most of my pooping in the basement, I just wish there was a toilet down there.

Good things come to those who wait. Unless you're waiting tables in America, in which case the reward fucken sucks

Me: what's the matter? Black Hole: nothing