Years ago, a therapist told me that telling other people they can’t cross your boundaries is self-defense; drawing your boundaries in *someone else’s space* is aggression. I think about that a lot.
[1/2] At my son's preschool, they encouraged the kids to say "Stop, I'm not ready" if they were uncomfortable - rather than yelling or hitting at other. A sensible policy for modelling open and effective communication. Two thumbs up.
I wonder what your therapist would say about this: I was in the hospital, continually nauseated, and when a new nurse came on duty in the morning, she was wearing a scent. I was floored. I asked about it, and she said "of course not; we never wear perfume." It persisted, and she finally admitted 1/
I've seen this framing be out in the world long enough to be weaponized by abusers, though. A: Please don't bring up Topic X around me-- it makes me really uncomfortable. B: How DARE you tell me what I can and can't say! You can't impinge on me! That's MY boundary!
It depends
This made me realize its like an inverse relationship between space and 'how' a boundary is communicated. Many of these discussions are about shared spaces and not that easy to pinpoint whether the boundary itself is healthy or not but rather the appropriate 'how' (apologies for the waffling)...
I think about this distinction a lot when I see right wing and SCOYUS abuse of 1A religious liberty principles to draw their boundaries in everyone else’s spaces
There are some gray areas that are not so clear. If people want to smoke at home, good for them. But a weed cafe (now legal in CA) sending smoke wafting down the street seems to impinge on other people's boundaries.
So is claiming that someone putting up their reasonable boundaries now infringes on your boundaries even though you never previously established them. Big example is people claiming they are just putting down boundaries by being opposed to queer representation.
This also addresses the tension between a) you are allowed to end an intimate relationship whenever you like for any or no reason and b) saying "you must do ___ or we're through" is manipulative or worse