Someone make me toast.

It should be a federal crime to MAKE 1-ply toilet paper

Set the day on fire.

I tried being a morning person, I tried being a night person.. turns out I'm just a sleepy person

sorry i reposted myself too much it's just that i find myself truly hilarious

I canceled mine when they got rid of bingo. How dare they 😒😒😒

I need this in my life

I don't know which one of you ordered the existiential crisis but I think I got it instead

Lost my Fitbit. Keep getting notifications that it's battery is low. It's just somewhere in my house, dying slowly, calling for help. Sorry little buddy, you belong to the dust now.

Do people who work for deodorant companies get sick of the phrase "No sweat."