Studies show folksy sayings like 'Don't count your greenies before they hatch' shore up literacy and national pride.

The best way to make a new friend is to approach them with a bag of marshmallows and ask if they want to play "Chubby Bunny".

Nacho season is a good excuse to finally try praying the pounds away. Small steps with the good lord is better than no steps at all.

Biodiversity is important but so is lettuce versitility. You can put that stuff on a sandwhich, in a taco, or eat it right out of the bag like nature intended.

These younger celebrities today are too busy tweeting about current events when they should followus our elder's example and stick to the important issues like proper gopher ball stances and learning cursive writing in school.

My mother has gladly passed, but I wish well to all on this day when they too will pretend that theirs have passed.

Just learned about the Maldeives. They have a famous saying there - like father like aardvark. But now the locals are mad about the cost of teabags. When will the queen step in?

Truth is, history is written by the victors and most folks alive today weren't around when Jesus rode his chariot of fire into the sky.

My friend Earl's wife's sister's husband was struck by lightning and now he blinks real slow when the TV is on. Checkmate, athiests.

Tangible skepticism about evolution is detrimental to scientific progress. Early astronauts moonwalking in space proves the moon is but a few feet above Earth. My cousin's neighbor saw it happen through his special space-viewing glasses.