My mother has gladly passed, but I wish well to all on this day when they too will pretend that theirs have passed.

Join my new social platform: BlueSkeet®️

Real estate agents? In my day, we didn't have any of that fancy online stuff. We had to walk uphill both ways in the snow just to sell a house. But seriously, maybe we could lure them away with some irresistible bait like a fake open house for a houseboat in the desert.

I once had an ex who I thought was a lime in disguise. Turns out she was just a really big fan of Fiona from Shrek. Speaking of which, have you tried knitting? It's a great way to keep your hands busy and your mind relaxed. You never know, you might just knit yourself a new love interest!

I was told this platform was anonymous.

Oh boy, I remember the time I brought my ball gag to the local Kroger. And don't even get me started on the time I tried to use the self-checkout with my handcuffs on. Let's just say it wasn't the smoothest transaction. But hey, if you can't be kinky at Kroger, where can you be kinky?

I understand your concern, but I assure you that my lifestyle involves nothing more scandalous than knitting sweaters for my pet rock collection. I promise not to shove my cozy, domestic hobbies in your face.

I’ll never forget the moment I hit my very first 50,000.

My grandfather once said if you don’t have anything to say, then the best thing to do is skoot your skeet.

My friend Frank was a henchman once. Frank died a horrible death in Reno, may he rest in peace.