sorry for making the r2d2 noises at you all the time, i hope you can c3po your way to forgive me

The thing about women, son, is they're 98% linen. It's a breathable fabric - never forget that.

if you call me ‘mate,’ i will verb it & we shall proceed to make a baby😘

my ideal woman: - approaches me first - content to just sit with me by the fire - gives me gifts without having to ask - helps me spend my runes to level up - promises to hunt me down to the end of time should I become the lord of frenzied flame

Anyone else feel the weight of existence holding them down like a weighted blanket and think oh yeah that’s the stuff

As he ages, dude has the whole apartheid era mine owner vibe down pat. So I can see how his family held that gig down!

“Trump is like the Terminator of wanting to get adulation. He’d crawl through radioactive waste to get it, red eyes glowing from his chitinous exoskeleton.” “Bro, say what you really think.”

Mary, you are saved.

The Self-Care Handbook is rather disappointingly not made of hands.

My dossier is getting thick and heavy and it will eventually explode, scattering my breached data all over the universe in a major way