Hmmmh.. might I suggest consulting some professional help? They're mostly impartial and might get you back on track / show you the way. More often than not it's just a nudge or a shove into the right direction and from then on out people find their own way..

I am sorry for spamming though

Am I spam posting my feelings? Yes. But to Bluesky I am just a common crawdad so let be small and need hugs and safety and water.

I am trying to remember I am a good person who deserves to both give and receive love. It's really hard right now though.

Been reading Adult Children of Alcoholics material and some of it jives too close to home.

Been doing that work already with a therapist for a while actually. Set it up myself over a year ago when I started struggling. I thought I was learning how to communicate better and be more positive and asking for more of my needs to be met/not overgiving. But I feel like I am going backwards now