I couldn't be me today I really need to reach the targets to allow me to front
Lmy new crop top feels right and affirming and I don't care how it looks it makes me feel so comforted in a way I didn't think possible
The nightwish song nemo feels like a song about dysphoria and how I'm trapped inside a man and nobody can see me. It made me cry and it made him cry
I was crying when I was on the treadmill with the boy today.
I'm scared
The male me does everything he can and then when he goes to bed, I'm emergent an hour after and often very distressed
He said he is open to me fronting and supports when I do. I just don't feel like it too much right now. I'm v vulnerable and frightened. V isolated
I got scared this week when I fronted. I wanted the male alter to come back and take over. He said he'd take over if that's what I want, but he wants for me to be me without being minimised or misrepresented. It's a part of life, he said, to deal with loss. I can't keep switching to him
I feel abandoned. But I also realise that feeling is underlined by some sense of entitlement that is quite problematic and I need to look inside to call myself out on that. I don't have any claim to others or on others. I gotta accept people have their own lives and .. Lives I won't be a part of