Really really bad

He also said switching to him doesn't change the feeling or necessarily to reduce it. The pain and abandonment is also his, when I go to him, I still feel those things. I'm just worried what I'll be or do feeling such intense sadness. He copes by doing long workouts and getting jacked

Rejection is a fact of life. Other people's self care and boundaries are important. Disappointment hurts me and the other alters collectively. The same goes for the feeling of shame

The easy thing when I'm feeling this way is to dissociate again and go back into him.

I worry about abandonment. Im disappointed my life didn't turn out the way I wanted. He's disappointed too. I have to be him to survive

male me says: that last one is uncouth I like pushing him to uncomfortable places when I'm me. I'm uncomfortable too.

That sounds like I'm judging negatively but it's his way to cope. I don't have answers to our problems. Nobody is presenting better.