i got to pet a baby kangaroo and a bactrian camel gently chomped my entire wrist after i offered him my hand when he came over to me, gonna be a good day

the nice hutterites who sell the really good chickens at the farmer's market absolutely believe i deserve to burn eternally yet are perfectly happy to take my cash

it was one of the weirdest things i have ever actually seen a person do, my flabber is well and truly gasted indeed like she had absolutely NO IDEA why all the bartenders were staring at her, how rude of us

tonight at my bar i watched a woman old enough to be my mother STICK HER FINGER ::IN:: THE SLUSHY MACHINE to get "just a little taste" then lie directly to the shift manager's face about having done so madam i pray your largest fuck?! where did you ACQUIRE this audacity?!

wtf i just asked one of the canning line operators to help me with a ladder real quick and he did a double take because i pronounced his name correctly on the first go IT'S NOT EVEN HARD OR ANYTHING 😭 poor guy, basic fucking orthography

tummy hort :(

space is neat

i'm right-handed but left-eye dominant, and i will take off my glasses to dick around on my phone Every Single Time

i have seen MORE THAN ENOUGH of my everyday surroundings, thank you

i don't care how strong my glasses get or how bifocal tiny font + no glasses IS THE WAY