Adding to my will that I am to be buried with a bag of the truffle oil Kettle chips.

Baller inscription tbh

My seven year old standing up at a family dinner and singing perfectly, from memory, the bridge from Feminenomenon, is exactly why I decided to have a child (I’m bad and evil and constant humiliation is my cosmic punishment)

I finally went ahead and Zazzled some earring cards, maybe I’ll look a little like I have my shit together that way.

tl cleanse 🖕

I’m very funny, in a “I cheerfully bought Parable of the Sower and I knew roughly what it was about but I started reading it and now I’m sitting here like this one day into reading it wondering why I feel dead inside” kind of way

I love this animal with my whole heart, this slug is the most ever, I look at them every day and admire their largeness and orangeness

If horses were insects, they’d be grasshoppers.

So maybe I know a guy who goes off radar for a day or two and then no caption posts articles about mysterious fires at luxury building sites, what of it

My husband wants to adopt a dog, but every time I warm to the idea and go look at overwhelmed local rescues the dog bios are all “loves children, WILL KILL CATS” or “loves cats, WILL KILL CHILDREN” and he somehow doesn’t understand why I’m still saying no