Well I have to come to terms with that I do have the knowledge and insight to better myself though I won’t do a damn thing with those tools or apply them in areas I’d need to

As funny as that may come across I was completely serious. how fucked is that? Anyway I’m posting this last one so I have a clean 20 post archive because my brain prefers it that way. More satisfying.

Alive and will come back. Leave a like if you’d like to know how things went. I may continue for you

I’m sleepy and none of this has been productive. It feels kinda good to let this off my chest I guess. I wonder what this thread will look like to someone who doesn’t know me. This anonymous journal on Bluesky. Hello person I hope this was at the very least interesting if not entertaining. Maybe I’m

I haven’t thought to myself since I was a teenager that I wish I wasn’t alive. Is that fucking normal? Why do I feel like this everyday? I’m losing my mind when all I have to do is try. Try to be someone I never have been. Try to be a better person. It’s idk. I don’t know. I don’t know. Aghhhhhhhhhh

I wish I was ok living a meager life. Working a shit job and still be happy. Most people are just ok I reckon. what a sad state it is to be human. I think I still have the wrong perspective on personhood, what it means to be happy as a person. I don’t think a single day of my life in all these years

That was never my dream. I never had one of my own I don’t think. I wanted to go to space. I wanted to rap. I wanted to make music. I wanted to write and never had the courage to pursue any of it. I never wanted school and wasn’t told it was ok to not go. More wasted time. I wish I was ok being

Everyone deserves their time being respected. Though this could all be in my head too idk. Aghhh. I’m sick to my stomach. I’m a fraud of a person. All I’ve ever had to give was love. In a world like this that ain’t enough. I wish I was on that beach. Then again that could be another idea planted tha

Maybe I don’t see her that way. Maybe I just desperately wanted anything from anyone and it’s easier to choose someone long distance to fulfill that need for me. I know I really like her. I just don’t think I can keep up with her at the level she truly deserves from a partner. Even if she’s poly

The short time we’ve committed to each other. It matters! It always will. I’m thankful she chose to engage with me even the small bit she has. As I am now I couldn’t reciprocate any meaningful effort if I wanted. I do want to for sure. I just can’t. I don’t think she sees me in the way I see her.