Welcoming guests to my apartment for the first time: "Would you like a bit of Vic's Vaporub for under your nose?"

Taking things to a next level by wearing a H string

[1st 5 minutes experiencing ryan reynolds] oh I get it, it's just this forever

The only good thing about working early (besides being off early)

I think we're ready for macroplastics

murder me dateline style so i know it’s real

You’d think that an occasional table and a periodic table would be essentially the same thing, but apparently that’s not the case.

Be honest now - has anyone actually witnessed the devil laying those eggs or is it all just fancyass marketing?

Elegance matters.

i love giving my friends life advice like i don’t have brain rabies