I devoted many years of my life to becoming fluent in many languages and thought that would BE my life - and then one day this girl I knew said “ach you don’t HAVE to use them” - and I never did again. I never saw her again either though. She was actually a bit of a cow. Is that four yet?

Just went to text the dog . How’s your day going?

what shall I wear

Does anyone have a two or three bedroom flat or smol house to rent or lend to me and my lovely daughter in the Kentish Town, Camden, Highgate or nearish parts of North London? Or do you want us to housesit for a nice length of time? We are so nice! You'd be amazed how nice we are. Sickeningly so.

I've been working on the script for a possible dramatisation of my memoir (The Hungover Games) and am working with someone incredibly exciting on it. She's so ace! I'm v happy about this.

Oh ffs