The dog is illiterate Jeremy! How many times. He only sends voicenotes.

Yeah and luckily I’m not a single parent paying thousands a month to rent there already and being kicked out. Oh. Har de har.

Ah, first bit of shade on Bluesky, and from an anon account. It's almost like the old days.

Tie dying! what could go wrong? I mean I would never dream of organising this but my daughter has adored it at other people's houses

Maybe I shouldn't be talking about work / showy off things on here though, god knows they're boring enough. Sarah Perry is on here talking about how to throw yourself at a door in a way that breaks the lock with your hip and I'm finding that a lot more compelling tbh.

I would never have put this on Twitter. But now we're free! Nobody's mum / boss/ nemesis is on here yet! I don't even need a punchline wooooooo

Also it turns out that writing scripts is my absolute favourite thing.

Baldman Begins

I once interviewed a premier league footballer whose PA was on the phone asking a hotel if the room came with dining. When she came off the phone he asked "What's dining?" Look there's nobody here is there, I can just say it was Joe Cole.

I was fine at school so should apparently not be a writer.