Sadly, that's extremely common for people who are suffering. Every suicidal person I met had severe imposter syndrome despite needing help more than most people. Imposter syndrome sucks, but don't let it stop you from getting help. Btw would you mind if I message you on Discord? Would be easier

There are online tools to see if a therapist is trans inclusive. Depending on your Bundesland, I could find the website. Just enter your Postleitzahl and a few more parameters and it'll spit out a list of therapists. You'll probably need to wait months for an appointment, but you'll get one

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Are you on a waiting list? I love how in capitalism, we have waiting lists for that. If you ever have the mental energy to look into it/have someone willing to support you in the process, you should write emails at all the therapists in your area/give them a call (cont)

Beyond that, whatever usually helps you in those situations. I can't tell you what that would be. Obviously escalate what steps to take based on what is necessary in the situation. But never ever ever be afraid to ask for help because "it isn't bad enough"

If that doesn't work, you can dial 112 or 116 117 (in Germany) and they'll help you. Then figure out places where you can go and won't hurt yourself/get hurt. It can be with friends, at a cafe, the hospital, whatever you have and is appropriate. Look up how to safely get there and write it down

Do you have a therapist atm? They could do it with you. If not, I'd love to share what I picked up from being depressed and suicidal myself. Generally I'd recommend writing it out and always having it with you. Make a list of which friends/family you can call and write down their numbers (cont.)

If not, I'd be happy to help you with that. I know it's scary, but going to a psychiatric clinic helped me a lot. Like getting out of your daily routine and being able to just worry about introspection and getting better. Fair warning: they were not as queer friendly as I'd like. Not hostile, but yk

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. I've been there, it isn't fun. I can't speak to what would help you, but there are ways to drastically reduce it. Now I only think about it like once a week. Do you have an emergency plan if it ever gets too bad? Like who to call, how to stay safe, etc?

Are you sure you aren't a cat?

What the fuck am I missing? Do I even want to know?