This head cold is going to turn me into an insane detective.

Ask not what your vivifying shea butter hyaluronic vitamin B3 seawater sweet almond face & eye cream can do for you

Um, my friend informed me that he doesn’t unpack his suitcase (hang his clothes or put them in drawers) when he’s staying in a hotel & I said, “that’s interesting!,” with a catch in my throat & one tear running down my cheek.

obsessed with this photo of cows watching the northern lights. it's the scene in a muppet movie that's so surprisingly touching you start to cry (photographer: @ChrisReichert3 on twitter)

It's never too late to forget something else.

Electricity was out for six hours and I wrote 47 manifestos.

Those boots that motorcycle cops wear are a bright spot in the dystopia.

Oooo I’m Death. I'm a mean skeleton with a fancy sword. Fuck off, bone boy

why would anyone deliberately hand me a piece of dessert and then say, with a smirk, it’s carrot cake. no. you have handed me a slice of vegetables, and i will now proceed to flip this table and set fire to the room

This hole I'm in seemed a lot smaller and a lot funnier when I was digging it