im so tired. im tired of feeling awful all the time

also its hard to feel like ill ever be a part of a group when theres people i dont like/dont vibe with. i was never going to have a place from the start. ..and very clearly being the odd one out. and still masking around every one

like.. why do i still feel horrible loneliness even when im hanging out with people n everyone getting into new games recently took me back to feeling like im not really a part of anyones friend group. ive always been outside of everyones orbit and i think i always will be

i dont know a single person whos truly on the same wavelength as me and its such an awful feeling

esp transmascs and just ppl with shared interests in general..

these events have destroyed my logos savings

i AM having fun but my brain's just making it a whole thing that i dont know how to deal with

tbh i dont have any self confidence and lately ive been struggling even more than normal with feeling like i dont belong, but then doing silly farms and actually clearing is kinda countering that. even with just being video game nonsense i guess i just dont know how to react to it at all

its strange cus i dont ever feel like im "good" at this game. but at the same time i know i can pick up some mechanics after just seeing them a handful of times. but thats also why i get so bothered by mechs that i just cant figure out at all

listen i gave my drk a giant ancient entity from space that was created when the universe was in canon we go to the edge of the universe to fight the manifestation of despair and regularly travel to entirely different worlds. at this point, nothing player-created is too outlandish, theres no limit