Okay so I did a lot better with the office yesterday than I did today. Had to leave early today because I was paranoid and thought my food and water were poisoned. Rescue meds and a big nap later and Iām feeling a little better and feeling accomplished for navigating stressful situation with grace
This is partly why it took me so long to get help. I didnāt realize my experience was atypical. Had too many misconceptions about the illness to recognize it. I still wonder if Iād gotten help earlier, like during my first episode of psychosis, if the trajectory of my illness would differ
A common misunderstanding about schizophrenia symptoms is that voices are inherently negative. Truthfully, most of my experience with my voices has been good. They are usually friendly and helpful and at my worst theyād instruct me to eat or shower or do necessary human things for survival.
I canāt exactly express what paranoia is like but, by proxy, consider that this is an event to show appreciation for our team and I am for some reason worried that they are gonna fire me? Despite my good performance and tenure in my role.
Tomorrow I have to go into the office for work for the second time since my schizoaffective diagnosis two years ago and I am terrified and paranoid about it. Last time I was really not doing well and left early. Hereās hoping tomorrow is better
IT IS NOT A HOTDOG NECKLACE IT IS CALLED A HAMULET AND WAS GIVEN TO ME BY A REAL SHAMAN!
Years ago, before I knew I was schizoaffective, I told a friend I was hearing voices. Iām lucky that my hallucinations are rarely mean or rude to me but it wouldāve been super cool if that friend had followed up and asked more questions because maybe I would have realized sooner that I was unwell.
