Holy Shit! ~Me, in the restroom at church

Why are receivers always “wide” open and never “length” or “height” open?

Drinking a pint of vinegar for my mental health (my head is full of pantry moths)

Keep talking shit about Taylor Swift. I’m almost there.

middle age nightclub where we snort tums in the bathroom

shaking my pill bottles like maracas bc life's a party, baby

My retirement plan is to lean up against a post and rail fence and weather like an old shovel handle

Her: [taking my photo] Try to look natural. Me:

If you die in a Teams meeting, you die in real life

ChatGPT just called me mommy