12 year old is being so teenagely annoying tonight that I might give him the Lynx Africa body wash that I bought for a joke Xmas stocking filler.
I know I'm getting old because I've just got excited at the thought of heating up some nice soup. Going to sit in my Shackleton's high-backed chair with a tartan blanket over my knees and watch Crown Court on my black and white telly while I eat it.
In OWWWW JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH news, I've accidentally got sherbert in my eye *not a euphemism, Den
Jesus Christ, my son virtually never farted as a small child but now he's 12 it's just constant guffing. Is this what his puberty is going to be like for me, just choking on a miasma of trumps, spunk and Lynx Africa?
Meanwhile, over on Twitter, we've got a lady claiming that eating meat is the same as fucking animals, so just a very normal day for Twitter.
In Uncontrollable Sexiness News, I've had to get varifocals today. I've booked the tight grey perm for next week.
What has become of this once great nation?
“Hello, it looks like you want to give it some minge”
