I'm making Tums smoothies. Anyone else need one?

Gummy bears are life.

There's a difference between wants and needs. Yeah, whatever. stfu. I really need gummy bears like right now

We’re no longer doing the pull-away-from-kissing joke format, are we? Does this mean our lips are still glued together? That can’t be good. We need Chapstick, STAT.

Tits or ass? Bro, the way she says worcestershire sauce.

I’m in love with you, but not rotisserie chicken in love with you.

all these people in your phone are not real but you should still be nice to us

"Nope" is a complete sentence.