i think cows should be able to say boo when they’re dissatisfied

it did hurt when i fell from heaven actually

Love too donate a few quid to aid charities knowing there's a good chance I'm paying for some poor brave bastard to be liquidised in blatant war crimes, by bombs that I somehow also paid for

[first day as a doctor] me: inside of you are two wolves patient: …you mean lungs? me: (looking at x-ray again) you know what

a part of me is so sad that we finally named something as artificial intelligence and in typical human fashion it's a content theft-powered slot machine with bad prizes that burns a tree every time you pull the lever

“The baby is going to fit around our schedule and lifestyle.” - hilarious things all my first time parent friends have said.

Let this sink in: UK government possibly to award no new research grants this year due to budget decisions

I feel like crimes should be legal if they are very funny

Something for my British friends who are anxious AF and why I am not having a panic attack.