Thank my past self and the past-self of my wife that we are to fucking traumatized by parents fighting that we can have a 'near divorce' talk and express our feelings raw but come to an agreement in the end.

he's just the best fuzzy little guy I could have ever raised

and he at least whenever I'm anxious specifically comes to sleep at my chest and purrs to calm me down never had to teach this mf anything he just did it multiple times

but hey, I got to be happy for like 35m now I really just wanna vanish from the fucking internet, vanish from public life go live on a fucking cave and abandon everyone and everything I cared until this point at least I know that my cat would want to come with me

well, at least I laughed about something today thats nice

because theres gonna be a fun one that will of course turn this into an extremelly toxic behaviour of asking if you are alright all the time forcing you to always fake that you are. because that person's worry will overwhelm you into being ok. not that you will be, you just supress it out of fear.

and then to think that I would like someone to pay that sorta attention to me in a healthier way, not in the way I had to watch my parents, would be cool and all but this would narrow down the people I could be with for my life to...yea zero

As I was writting down my things to do list of the day I just noticed that I only try to deeply care about people because that was my way to survive. Maybe thats why I feel like all my feelings are fake and I never deal with how insecure I feel. heh at least brainy brain is working a bit

bouta go non verbal, who cares

just a normal stormy day when the soil became too wet, you've shown some cracks and tilted a bit. but then all the sudden you just 'overreact' to something and all the tiny little cracks give you a breakdown. not a big one yet, you know, gotta be at work at 8:10 with a smile on my face