If I called a conservative talk radio show and told them there’s a player on my son’s high school basketball who identifies as a dog, how long would it take before they realized I was summarizing the movie Air Bud?

im culturally bisexual but fiscally heterosexual

i don’t think the world is ready for how annoying the Personally Traumatic Breakup x Taylor Swift Sad Girl Poetry era is going to make me

taylor swift fans will discuss a music video and tell you the craziest shit you ever heard in your life about the symbolism she put in it but then they're literally right. she did put all that stuff in there on purpose

if they put a boob size filter on dating apps men would proclaim a national holiday. but as soon as men realized that women ALSO have preferences about physical traits (i.e., height filters) they immediately developed a frothingly right wing ideology and now commit the sporadic murder.

drake is taylor swift for boys who have never gotten over anything in their life

quirky girl you have to stop. you smoke too tough. your purse too vintage. your boyfriend too sad. they’ll kill you quirky girl

never surrender

went on a date last night and the man asked me if my UNDFTD Air Force Ones were Dunks, so it's time for another dog

every person who has ever wronged me has to think about me every time the most famous woman in the world blinks and honestly i think that's beautiful