I only post here cuz it’s like 2 other people that use it and the rest is just dead accounts. I can talk into the void. Which is better than nothing. I just want to scream rn. I’m not fine anymore, I’m done pretending I am.

I’m so fucking done man lol.

I’m actually starting to freak the fuck out, I can’t sleep either. I’m hyperventilating and sweating. I’m really really stressed out rn

I guess to even be able to vocalize what I’m feeling is a start. It took me about 8 months to be able and tell anyone I had gender dysphoria, and even then I copped out and said “yeah but yk any pronouns.” I notice every “he”. I can’t even come out to my online friends, even tho one knows I think.

Seriously. I’m never gonna be able to transition. Nobody will believe me and I can’t lose my family. “You just got that from the internet” probably. Which is rich, since I only started to interact with queer spaces online once I started to have these feelings about a year ago.

I’m bipolar and off medication too, I’m probably gonna end up killing myself anyway. I put too much effort into things

I’ll never be anything more than a disappointment if I come out. I’m the most trapped I’ve ever been in my life. Even if some say they’ll support me I know they’ll never truly see me as a woman. I’d be nothing more than a degenerate pervert on my dad’s side of the family. Why even bother

One person who’s supportive of me told me to get women’s clothes, I want to but how? I can’t wash them or put them anywhere, and my parents work at home too often. Even if I could wear them, I’d look like a freak. I’d never fit into them. I mean, I’m pretty andro as is fashion wise, but still.

I deserve a completely supportive family. I deserve to be seen as the girl I want to be. I deserve to be who I am. I got half a supportive family, I doubt anyone actually sees me as a girl, and I can’t be who I am. I’m trapped. It sucks. I’m in a body that rejects me.

I try not to be bitter, it doesn’t help anything, but I’m so unbelievably jealous because I’m trapped. I’ll lose my financial support, family, friends and so many others. I don’t know if I can. I don’t wanna be the family failure. I’m terrified. I don’t want to drown either.